Have thine own way, Lord?

Even as believer in the the ultimate sovereignty of God, I sometimes get lost in the trappings of flesh.

A friend and classmate of mine has just experienced the horrifying murder of her husband. The story of his death is all over the news. This highly publicized tragedy has already made it public that this girl has a two year old and is newly pregnant. Even so, no one has mentioned that she also has cystic fibrosis and tremendous medical bills. Even in the midst of all the junk she's going through, she actually showed up to class this week. She is eternally upbeat and honest to a fault. In the few months I've known her, she has had more of an impact on my life than people I have known for years. In short, she's amazing. She's amazing and her husband was just killed for no good reason. No honor, no purpose, no story, nothing. I've been a Christian for years and several times in my life, Christ in me has been that support for people in times of crisis. Even so, I have to be honest and say that this situation is tearing me to pieces-and not because I don't "get it." Its because I "get it" that I'm going crazy. I know and believe with all of my being that God can and should do whatever he pleases with whomever he pleases at any given time. I know that God, in all his sovereignty is Creator and Sustain-er of the universe and that all things in it are His. I know and believe this with my whole heart and still I can't stop asking, "Why?!" All I know is as much as I hate the way my friend must feel right now, I'm thanking God for my husband and my life and for the fact that I am His. Maybe that's all I'm supposed to know.